I don't have a way of processing that. How does the I really want fit into this xxx pussy want nsa strange bisexual model of yours? I think married men sometimes fit into this jail exception because they aren't getting what they want for so but don't want to create a relationship outside of theirs. That's how I felt. I loved my relationship, all the higher parts, our mental, emotional, spiritual connection. We were awesome. It was just the sex that was lacking after awhile. My heart never looked astray, to betray the deepest connection that embodied our ultimate goals together I would have had to share emotionally with someone. I would have developed a relationship outside of my partner. I'm not justifying or saying it's right it's not. I'm just illuminating how I was thinking. I thought I could supplement the lesser piece that was missing to keep the greater part that was wonderful. It took me months of wanting more sex with women to start making it a cyber habit. Then weeks of searching for women to exchange pictures and flirts with before I realized that most of the women were men pretending anyway there really aren't any online. So then I just started pretending the men were women. I actually talked myself into believing I was protecting my relationship by keeping the burden of my high sex drive off her shoulders. In the past I had always kept women friendships laying in wait for when I felt rejected by my lover enough to break it off and go to one of the others. In this case I valued us so very much I wanted to avoid keeping any friendships with women thinking this would ensure that I couldn't go elsewhere and had to get what I need inside my relationship. Obviously it didn't change anything except how the energy was acted out. This time in a more introverted or closeted, actually less way. I don't know right now, all I know is I have been such a fool it's amazing. Apparently I'm a piece of sh*t lying coward as well. I'm terribly sorry. I want to be a better be capable of higher. I must believe that I can change this be trustworthy.