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Veronique
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BooBear w4m I've spent the last 24 hours thinking of how to sum up what happened between us two weeks ago. This is the hardest thing for me to say but all I can come up with is that you broke me. I have pride, too much of it. If anyone knows that, its you. You know how much pride I have. You know how hard it is for me to admit I'm wrong in any situation, accept help from anyone or much less admit that I'm struggling and I need help. Too much that I never thought I would be able to say that I let someone break me. So here I am admitting and clearing stating that you completely broke me.
I'm not the same anymore. The attention I told you I craved is something that repulses me. I don't want to be touched. I don't want to be kissed. Snuggling isn't a word in my vocabulary anymore. The thought of putting myself in another relationship is not a good one. I won't be able to trust another with anything. I will be afraid to tell them how I truly feel because of fear. You instilled fear in me. I don't feel that I can stand up to another male because of what happened in the past when I stood up to you. I'm known for being stubborn, a trait given to me straight from my mother. I'm not stubborn anymore. I physiy cannot stand up for myself because of the emotional fear.
What we were was like a child playing with fire. Half of the time we went unharmed but the other half we got burned. The last time we played with that fire we both got burnt pretty badly. It's time we both set that matchbook down and walk away.
I don't know what we have to say to one another anymore. We spent the last 6 months of our relationship trying to find something to say because what we had died, neither of us would admit it. We can try to fix things, thats the only thing we could talk about. Were beyond fixable, we have been.
I know you're sorry. I thank you for the apology. I'm glad you realize what's been done and you're taking action to get help. I hope you're doing it for yourself and no one else. Not for me, not for everyone's opinion about you, or for your children. You need to do this for you as a person. You can change only if you admit you have a problem. I hope you stick with it and let them help you. Not just stop after a while because you think you're done or you can do this on your own. I believe you can do anything but I don't believe you can help yourself with this problem alone.
I can't hate you. I don't hate anyone in this world. People have disappointed me. Thats how I look at it. Even the people that have stolen from me. I'm disappointed and I hope they don't do it to anyone else that can't take that kind of hit. For some reason I can and I can brush my shoulders off and move on. It's not a trait I like. It would be much easier to have hate towards someone, it may not be a good thing to hate people but I believe it helps people cope with heartbreaking situations. I find other ways to cope. I bury myself in work.
What I'm trying to say is I still have love for you. I'm not in love with you. I spent the last year and a half of my life (and its been a crazy year and a half) with you. You were there to see me get promoted, take on responsibilities, and change before your eyes. You will always be a part of me whether I want you to be or not. That's how these things work. I do things and things come out of my mouth that I learned from you. You're with me everyday. The picture in my hallway, the microwave on my kitchen counter, the music on my computer, the CD's in my car, and some clothes in my closet are all because of you. Pulp Fiction and Chasing Amy are on my Instant Que now since they're not DVD only anymore. I watched The Italian Job a week ago. You're everywhere and it will be that way forever. Even the foods I enjoy are divorced older women ready sex tonight horny single ladies because you introduced me to them.
You'll always be a part of me even in the slightest ways. Even though we won't be speaking anymore you'll be there and I accept that. Maybe some day I can be okay again. Maybe some day ill be able to open up to a man again without being afraid. Maybe, just maybe but right now no. It may take years but ill get over the fear you instilled in me and ill put myself back together again. No one else can put me back together but myself and when I have the effort some day I will.
Take care of yourself. Be the best father you can be, and stick to bettering yourself. I hope you find the family you want, and find someone to grow old with. Take care of her, respect her like every woman should be. And I hope your son grows up and lives a happy fulfilled life, I'm glad I got the opportunity to meet him and of course cry when he left. Happy Fathers Day. As much as you doubt yourself don't ever doubt your ability to be a good father because you are.Lady want xxx dating
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Online: Yesterday
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Elsa
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