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Starting a fight in the perfume aisle is a bad idea. Not only will you smell like crap the whole time you are shopping, but if you stop moving, you can taste it.
No matter how good a coffee bean smells, if you bite into it, it's nasty
Changing a starter on a car is easy. But if you screw up the ground wire while you�re doing it, it's still not going to start.
If you are pulling a horse trailer and it starts fish-tailing for no reason, you might have forgotten to lock it down.
You really can cook a whole Thanksgiving meal, yet screw up instant mashed potatoes.
If you don't want to have a bad neighbor, don't live next to anyone.
If you are going to move a high water sign to a friends driveway after it is no longer needed, make sure you take one WITHOUT a flashing light. It will still flash in the back of your van.
You cannot drive by Graceland to see where Elvis lives.
You can take any size dog on the Metro-North trains (into Manhattan) as long as they do not sit in a seat. Unfortunately all my dogs like sitting on seats and it is incredibly hard to stuff a 130lb dog under the seat.
When you a dog into Manhattan, the first thing he is going to do is crap. And then he is going to crap five more times. Make sure you have LOTS of things to pick that crap up with, especially when it comes from the same 130lb dog that was stuffed under the seat on the train.
Michigan has lots of dirt roads. And they really suck in the winter.
You look really foolish if you get stuck in Amish country because you can't make it up a hill pulling your horse in a trailer.
A MINI donkey CAN fit in a MINI van.
If you cry when your bereavement fair gets fucked up by the airline, they get you there faster then the people you were flying with.
If you drive through deep standing water really fast you just might fuck up your motor.
There is a particular creepy man who lives in KY and drives a little blue pickup truck. Don't look at him if you see him driving down the road. A single smile can spark a whole chain of events that result in OMG and very fast driving to get away from him.
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